One reason I keep this blog is to jot down all the little moments and memories that will disappear as my mind ages. I want to be able to look back and retrieve these memories using my writing as prodding. I want future family members (Cora’s siblings I can certainly hope) to be able to sit down and read about their sister. And of course because I keep it public, I want the world to know about my little girl.
I’ve shared before Cora’s pregnancy was a huge surprise. (Male family members, you might want to skip a few sentences). I’ve also shared that I have poly cystic ovarian syndrome. When I got pregnant with Cora I hadn’t menstruated in four months (that was fun trying to answer the “date of your last period” question to doctors who immediately drew the conclusion I was five months pregnant, not a few weeks). We definitely weren’t trying. So by surprise, I mean SURPRISE!
With the whole wonky period thing, my due date was originally December 15. We were excited because we have so many December birthdays. Ben’s is the 18th, both of our grandmothers are that month, as well as Ben’s dad, my sister’s is a few days before Christmas, not to mention a good minivan full of cousins and uncles and aunts who were born in the last month of the year.
We so wanted her to share a birthday with a grandparent or great grandparent, and thought it just fit so perfectly. My birthday is November 24, so it was like our little family was all meant to be. Did you know that’s why she’s wearing the pink bow in the one professional picture of her? I decided that she was our birthday gift that year because she was born between our birthdays.
At my first ultrasound, the due date was pushed up to December 4. I immediately thought of one person, granny. I could tell she was hoping for a great-grandchild born on her birthday, which so happened to be the 5th of December. When I called her to tell her about the new due date, she exclaimed, “I knew it! I knew it! She’s coming on my birthday.”
Cora picked her own birth date after all (which she shares with a great aunt).
I remember on December 4, 2009, whispering with a grin on my face into Cora’s tiny ear, “You’re not even supposed to be here yet! Today is your due date!” I was certainly glad she was there.
I didn’t know I only had two more days with her.
After we got back from the hospital early in the morning on December 6, my mom took care of all the phone calls. She called my grandma who was alone at my aunt’s home while my aunt and uncle were at church. She was so strong, and later fretted to my aunt if Cora died on the 5th. I remember reassuring her later that she did not.
Now four years later, I’ve lost my granny, who if you’ve been reading here long, you know was a second mother to me.
I don’t think I could have survived it if Cora died on her birthday.
So much happiness and profound sorrow all mixed together at the beginning of December.
Today was my due date.